purpose-less

Oh no I won't start that way today(ie :"Well...")! I tend to start things the same way each time I write.

Today since it's a purpose driven life that I live(usually), I thought I'd explore the idea behind the word but for a minute.

I always tell my son that if there is not purpose behind what he does, than he probably shouldn't be doing it.
Maybe that's a little too deep for a seven year old, but is he ever that introspective, at times. lol .
I always tell myself, that if someone doesn't have a purpose in your life, than they probably shouldn't be there.
Seems a harsh way to look at things(especially when you're talking about relationships), but really, doesn't everyone need a way to make this ridiculous world a little simpler? I know I do.
Speaking of relationships: maybe I was sleeping, or have I been that naive in thinking that as an adult, I could hold a meaningful friendship with a man without them trying to get a piece. To tell you the truth I realize whole heartedly now that I myself, won't waste time on a friendship if it's not bound to turn into something else.
But is that to say I don't love my guy friends at work?They're great, and some of them I talk to online, and have had over for parties. Then there's the subject of my all time best friend, who is really beyond that. He has his own category, which I don't think is exclusive to our friendship. In fact I think he has his own unique category in many women's lives "not that there's anything wrong with that".(lol-I know that Seinfeld quote is in reference to gay people, but any excuse to use it...)
I have known this man for over a decade and love him dearly, but when it comes down to it?
I don't want a piece, but I'm sure he wouldn't say no!It's okay that's an overwhelming compliment.
Regarding male "friends" and simplicity: I just made my world a whole lot simpler regarding one person who'd made himself a part of my proverbial landscape when my game wasn't its tightest. I relinquished his role via text message-the ultimate insult, and of course it had to be, because calling him friendship was the worst insult of 06.
Neva mind dat...

But back to purpose, individually speaking.
Sometimes sitting down in here in my little realm, makes me wonder if the the effort is really worth the end result.
I mean, someone can read this randomly, and it'll be put on their list of "things to make you go hmmm..."
So what.
It doesn't do anything for me, with the exception of releasing some degree of psychological tension.
Something in my brain gets tied up in knots, so I get out the kinks by typing away here in my basement.
To be totally honest, there's not alot that inspires me at all these days, so I'm very surprised there's have anything to write about at all. It's sounds so cliche to label myself as depressed, so I'm gonna call it boredom. lol.
Bored with small minded hick mentality, people who don't live up to their word, people who don't know how to use words properly!Awesome comes to mind as a word that is largely mis/overused out here and it's driving me nuts because it's now crept into my own vocabulary.
A hamburger is not awe inspiring, nor is Mr.Clean Magic Reach(holla to all the house wifes), or even chocolate.
No: awe inspiring is giving birth, being saved by GOD or meeting the man you'll love for the rest of your life.
I guess I've been awe inspired three times then.

Regrettably I haven't seen aything awe inspiring out here so I'm bored with go nowhere work, bored with this nowhere town, yet I am afraid to go back home.
Last time I was at home I was home-less and I'm not doing that again. There is so much more at stake back in Tdot; it's easier to fall through the cracks if you don't have your head together. Mine's only halfway.
I was also manless(which was part of why I was homeless), which I've now gotten used to.
Oh trust me people, I am NOT bitter. I truly enjoy the autonomy that would certainly perish a terrible death if a man was to impose himself on this domain. Oh and there's the clincher: MY domain. My house my kid my dog, my queendom. Men don't reside in the queendom that long. The queen tends to say "off with their heads" faster than they can spell BS.
Many would argue that it's the purpose of a man and woman to be together, procreate, build generations.
That's not happening the way it should anymore, but humans have changed. A man's purpose is no longer to rule over a woman, but walk with her hand in hand. This queen doesn't need a court jester but a king.

Oh trusssss meh hon, I am NOT bitter about that either, just as everything has it's place, it also has it's time.
Still alot of women fill themselves and their lives up with meaningless or destructive relationships just simply to say that they have one.
Well I am not alot of women, I am just one.

and it all means?

Yea right, if I had answers like that I sure wouldn't be up in here writing little love notes to my brain.
I'd be out there, solving every problem I could possibly get my hands on.
I guess I used to think(in my younger days) that solving was what I was doing, but in fact of course, I was just creating more problems for myself. Oh but how can you resist sometimes, I mean really. There are precious few situations that make your ethics stand up, or your heart stand out, so when you see one, you can't help but be a soldier. No matter the cost. The ends justify the means. Only sometimes. You gotta search way deep down in yourself to figure out whether yae or nae.

The only method of survival is purpose.

Whether that be to make money or tear down corporations who make too much; when the goal is easily attained or when you think you're day will never come.
So what's the purpose of me sittin here when I should be at work?
Good question.lol.
Well to be honest, I'm not worried anymore about the stress of work. Today you could call it a mental health day, but it's not just that. I can barely talk, and since I make my money by talking, I'm of no good to anyone but myself today. Just fine, I was feeling selfish anyways.
When do I ever get a chance to do something totally selfish?Most of what I do is selfless and that's when you get yourself into some deep waters:the bottom of that well doesn't exist.
You can whittle away your identity to nothing if you surrender too much of yourself to your daily chores.
Yea, I used the word chores, like when you Mom used to ask you to clean your room or take out the dog or whatever it was you were required to do for that dollar a week.

It's like my favorite kids poem, called "doing the dishes":

If you're asked to do the dishes
(stead of going to the store)
If you're asked to do the dishes
(such an aweful boring chore)
If they ask you to do the dishes
and you drop one on the floor
No one will ask you to do the dishes anymore.

That says waay too much about my mood today.
Don't ask me to do s***. Sorry, but I have to say it like that.
I'm sick of doing something I hate: but I don't do it for the job I do it for the people.
I don't think for a second that my little ripple in the pool of revenue will make the largest telecommunications company in the country give a damn about whether I want to come into work today.
My team at work amazes me thoughb; I feed off of the energy we create, and I've never been exposed to a bunch of people who can work so well together. We do not get enough credit for how well we do our jobs, but that's to be expected.

It's not that I didn't want to be a part of that today, I just couldn't bring myself in.
Being late and not being able to talk just seemed so pointless. Plus it's cold outside.
Listen to me, what a big baby. It's not even that I can't talk, I just don't want to.
Today my job is cleaning the house,taking out the dog (for a real walk), and writing this.
Tomorrow can be the " hair done, brown dress pants, camel coloured shirt with the brown beads and the cordouroy jacket with the victorian sleeves" day. I could even rock the snakeskin spike heels.
Oh yea. Tomorrow, because it's always gonna to better than today.